Torn Inside - Journal Entry from January 19th, 2019

Torn Inside

I’m regularly conflicted these days. I go back and forth between thinking about a return to the Corp World (in some capacity) or continuing on with my vagabond path. I’ve always been confident in my decisions but honestly have no idea what to do at the moment. I feel as though I’m running to stand still as things don’t seem to be gaining traction, yet other times I get glimpses of things falling into place which motivates me (foolishly?) to keep going.

Is life passing me by or am I figuring it out? It’s hard to tell, sometimes I feel both emotions at once. I think I’m overanalyzing everything. I just get frustrated because it feels as though my efforts in content creation aren’t really paying off. I can barely get by with my current income from various online sources and I can’t seem to hit the nail on the head. I may need to switch up how I present this lifestyle to show more of what’s it is like to live out here instead of just the gear/processes I use to make it work. I just hope the financial dividends start to materialize as I’d like to buy property in the mountains somewhere far away from any city.

Currently in Sedona truck camping in one of my favorite spots. Planning a long 11-mile hike today into one of the nearby Wilderness Areas. I feel pretty good with my hikes so far this spring, currently averaging 10-miles per day and want to up it to 15. Hoping these hikes provide some clarity for my future.

~ Brian